What do you do when you experience yourself in a dark place?
“Today, I struggle me with the heaviest of hearts. I experience me in a dark space. What do you do when you find yourself in such a place?”
© Copyright 2012 by Green Psychology
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When I have me in a dark place, I make sure that I take all the time that I need in solitude to reflect about what is the spirit in me looking for or missing.
Of course death will be my ally as strong tool to wake me up and shift me to what is important to me, so I will ask myself: ,
“if this were my last day with me, what is what I will really want to make sure that I get today”,
Most of the time, emotional intimacy with a loved one will bring me right back home within myself and will ground me enough to make the necessary changes (If I need to do me differently) in a specific situation.
I wait, knowing it’s temporary.
Meditate.
Some music deepens but shortens sadness.
Reflect on now-time blessings of beautiful loved ones.
Not much cannot be cured by exercise. If sadness is caused by injury, then I don’t honestly have too many answers. Waiting is all there is. I’ve had luck to mostly heal so far.
Buy food for homeless people.
Pet my dog.
When I dark time me I gain leverage on myself by looking to structures. Structures I use often are:
*Development-Is this a stage of life struggle/fulcrum that I am in?
*Hero’s Journey ala Joseph Campbell-Where am I in this cycle?
*Self care-How have I been structuring my life? I find when I dark pit myself I have been eating poorly and have let my routines of exercise, meditation, meal time, waking time and bed time lapse. (usually b/c I am working too much)
*Mental structures-Have I been indulging a mental pattern of victimhood?
I have climbed myself out of many a pit over the years, and I find looking at my structures to be the most effective for me.
I have some general concepts to share with you.
To first find perspective I start with an inventory of my most basic needs, do I have shelter, do I have food, etc. and move up the list from there. While I may identify ways I challenge myself around some aspects of my basic needs, I work to keep my attention at a high level, avoiding getting into my details too much, am I really OK, Yes. Then with some foundation and grounding I am more resourceful to consider the specific ways I am “darkening” myself.
I hear you asking for advice on how to move yourself out of a dark space. I have movement come from an internal knowing, either a hint of what to do next or an all out revelation, could be either one, however for me knowing arises from within. To create the space for knowing to arise I have me needing to shift in a couple ways.
First, that where I find myself could be valuable. In my life I have found the space you describe yourself in as very fertile for creating real and lasting transformation. I have needed to shift the desire to leave the state I am in to an acceptance of this is how I am doing me now, and that there is an intelligence to my process. Second, transforming the questioning to an invitation for inspiration. And then sit and await myself, eliminating distractions and things that fill the space where knowing could arise.
Also I contextualize myself by considering if I am getting myself stuck in a way that has not worked for me in the past, am I repeating a pattern. For me my self loathing pattern looks like inaction, lethargy, so sitting in that is not my whole answer, I recognize I need to get out and renew myself in ways that always work for me. For me this involves physical movement, often intense, through the natural world. For others, a hot bath with candles and aroma therapy is always renewing. Once renewed I can return to awaiting and acceptance, insight, and eventually action.
When I have me in a dark space and have my heart be heavy, I have me stay in this dark heavy space. I find music in me that is dark and heavy, reflecting myself to me. I play the blues in me. I cry me and wallow myself in my aloneness. I usually do not want to be with others and isolate me, walling me off, protecting myself from sympathy and others who may want to “help” and discomfort themselves with my state. I feel me completely –discovering and witnessing myself in my aloneness. The only field I usually place myself in when I fragile me is on a 5 rhythms dance floor where I can dance me crying and suffering and be witnessed (or not) as I am, without anyone trying to change me. Paradoxically, I find when I actualize moving me, totally having me be in my state without resistance (internal or perceived external), I shift (move) myself.
When I darken and heavy myself, I find my wife and bury my head in her chest…and hopefully cry. As I connect with her body, I feel my spirits begin to lift and a sweet resolution come over me…to stop indulging myself and count my blessings.
I usually start off by judging myself. When I aware myself I am judging me I stop judging me and gentle me and explore me, work to understand me. I ask myself, “What am I hurting me with? Why? What do I want/need?”
If I pain myself a lot I go for a walk and/or cry me.
I oversleep until I dream. Dreaming seems to work out the stuck places in my thoughts and emotions. I also journal, generally starting with whatever comes to mind, or if nothing does I begin by listing anything for which I am thankful. And I meditate, allowing myself to see colors, visions, movements by focusing my closed eyes on the point between and slightly above my eyes. Walking hard and fast also has a positive effect on me, perhaps from stimulating endorphins, or by circulating more oxygen throughout my brain and body.
I explore it and keep record.
There is always a reason for being there. Sometimes there is a good reason, sometimes not. Mostly, it has to do with something I have done, or something that I have not done. No matter what, if it is really a “dark place”, there is nothing I can do about it. Except explore, record and learn.If I can do anything about it – it is not a dark place. I have stayed in solitude, deep into the northern woods, for two years now. I would not call myself hermit, but in practice I am. I kind of enjoy the experience even though it has meant visiting a lot of dark places. Just about all of the posts above are really good tips. But mostly for distraction from the matter of interest. Which very well can be needed when it gets too dark. But in the long run, there is no quick fix. You just have to face the reasons to why you are in this dark place.
Remember that everybody has been there except for the ignorant.
Good luck!
Recently I have found myself in a dark place again and am now finding my way out. Once again I have reached out to others for help, which has been a significant relief. This seems to be a pattern with me. When I find myself in a dark place, I am usually isolating myself from other people, especially those who hold my best interest at heart.
I delight myself with the resources here! If I had anything to add it would be this.
I have found that the quieter I get my head the less able I am to discomfort myself.
I feel at the moment in a dark place,I lost my little dog 5 weeks ago and just cant move on,heartbroken,she was my rock.
The trouble is my daughter married a man that attacked my husband with a stick,as he has mental problems,and she is still with him,he has been in an out of prison,broken into our home,dented the car,I wake up thinking he is at the bottom of the bed,we cant go down to see her as the police say its for our safety,we have not been on a holiday for 4 years as we are frightened to leave the house on its own,so this little dog Pippa was my little soul,I carried her everywhere,and she died only 9 years with kidney failure,can anyone of you lovely people write to me and give me some advise what to do. Gina
Rockypippa—I’m so sorry to hear about your loss of Pippa. Having lived with dogs as my dearest friends I understand how difficult such a loss can be. I encourage you to look for other beings, people or animals, with whom you can connect. It won’t be the same as Pippa, but connection helps most of us deal with loss.
As far as your other challenges, I hope you will go on vacation, give yourselves a break and a chance to renew. Maybe you can find someone to house-sit, if not, maybe you can ask the police to keep a watchful eye on your home.
To me, it sounds like some change is needed. I encourage you and your husband to make a list of 5 things you can do to help yourselves. Some might be small, some big. Then pick one, do something that allows you to reconnect with some joy in your lives.
Warmly,
Jake